I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
