is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
