If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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