I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
