Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
