At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
