i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I love you. Go after that dick
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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