Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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