just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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