He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
