my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
