tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
