You're so nebulous sometimes
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
