Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize