Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it glows. i had to have it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
