We're facebook friends in real life
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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