worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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