high people should be assigned attendants
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
