Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
