oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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