i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
