ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
