what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize