O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
