coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
