also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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