im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
