come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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