Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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