It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize