And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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