There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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