Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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