I got chris browned last night
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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