Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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