That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
