dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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