Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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