At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
