He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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