I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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