i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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