So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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