all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Couch. On fire.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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