she looked like the before picture.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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