sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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