And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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