Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
