so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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