Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
