Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
