did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I made him laugh his dick is mine
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
