We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
