he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
