Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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