it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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