So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
