his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
