she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
