but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
