Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he shaved USA in his pubs
Little spoons don't ask big questions
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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