Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
last night I used snow as a chaser
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
