well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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