Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
