I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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