he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I love you. Go after that dick
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
