I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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