Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
