Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
