what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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