Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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