God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
