Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You're like the curious george of whores
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
