i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
