im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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